19 February 2018 – Day 3 – Pai, Thailand – Hell Night

Woke up to a typical Pai morning – sun shining, heavy dew on the courtyard grass and shrubs, a rooster crowing too loudly (hate that bird!) and some annoying ticking which we could not identify. Almost Paradise.

We ate the breakfast offered daily by the resort (fruit, toast, juice and coffee/tea)

Since Paden and Christine spent some time here, we decided to walk to their Hostel, Spicey Pai, a little over 1.6 km (1 mi) away.It was only 1000 hrs and already wickedly hot! During our hike we saw a large bloom of honeysuckle, a really big Fred Flintstone, a weird looking metal monster and some over- sized cacti. Why not? – it’s Thailand!

On return, a short distance from their hostel, we had to stop for a drink (we had bottled water with us, but it just wasn’t cutting it). We found an interesting retro bar where I had a large Chang beer and Joanne, a Margarita. There is a heaven!

After we quenched our thirst, we walked to a Restaurant, Mama Falafel for hummus and pita – it was closed. However, we were able to find another Lebanese eatery where we each had a great chicken Shawarma.

Back to our bamboo hut to relax, drink a beer, work on our blog, drink a beer, read, drink a beer. We took turns sitting on the steps of the deck and lounging in our hammock. I think I got short-changed!

As evening approached we walked into town in search of street food. We had spicy chicken/vegetable/pineapple kabobs (deeeelicious) which we ate sitting on some old steps along the street. After people watching for awhile, we went and got ice cream cones where the girl made the cones on site – really good!

Well, the sun has been down for a while and I guess it is now officially nighttime and we are back at our bamboo hut. To quote, ‘Throw Mama From the Train”, the night was sultry.

Before I get into what happened after our arrival, I would like to set the scene:

The huts were built on bamboo stilts. The walls are roughly made with thin bamboo slats that do not provide a tight seal resulting in a poor sound and light barrier. The sides of the gabled roofing in the bathroom are constructed of wooden lattice with approximately 1 1/2 inch grid openings through which many creepy crawlers and small winged creatures could intrude.

So, I go up the steps first to unlock and open the door. I flipped the light switch and headed to the bathroom door to open it. Just as I grasped the knob, Joanne let out a horrific high-pitched scream (scared the hell out of me) and started yelling, “THERE’S A SPIDER IN HERE! IT’S ABOUT THE SIZE OF MY HAND!! After almost ripping the door off its hinges (she had closed it and engaged the deadbolt), she tore off down the stairs running across the courtyard towards the office hysterically screaming like a deranged banshee, I’M NOT SLEEPING IN THERE, IT’S A SPIDER AS BIG AS MY HAND!!! “WHERE’S THE OFFICE GIRL!!!! (There was always someone in the office but, not tonight).

I immediately started scanning the room beginning with the wall nearest the door we entered through and across the floor to where I was standing – nothing. I then turned to the bathroom door that I had partially opened, JESUS!!! THERE IT WAS ON THE DOOR AT EYE LEVEL AND IT WAS BIG (as big as Joanne’s hand? Questionable).

We did some research and think this was the intruder.

I immediately pushed the door away about a foot as that was all I could manage while jumping back. I grabbed a large zip lock bag hanging on the wall to my immediate left (I think I was shaking). My plan was to try and somehow get him into it. As I turned back, he went up and over the top of the door (I recall Joanne screaming in the background, “DON’T TAKE YOUR EYES OFF HIM!!”). Too late. I gently eased the door further open and slowly moved into the bathroom (I think I was now sweating too). I peeked behind the door – HE WASN’T THERE! (A thought crossed my mind – “who is stalking who?”). I quickly checked the bathroom – nothing.

Just then I heard a commotion at the main door – it was Joanne followed closely by the wide-eyed office girl who was brandishing a straw broom in one hand and a large spray can in the other (Joanne was still screaming, “I’M NOT SLEEPING IN THERE TONIGHT!!”). She hadn’t calmed down any. The office girl asked me, in her broken English, where the spider is and I replied, “good question” (as if she understood). I inquired about the spray can and she told me that it is used for spiders. Ah, standard operating procedure in these parts! She tentatively entered the bathroom, can and broom at the ready, eyes darting all about, and then started sweeping and spraying the cracks and crevices (a determined exterminator!). She then assured me that this usually works and that the spider will not return especially now that humans are here. “Sure”, now try and convince Joanne.

The office girl then left, but not before Joanne demanded that she leave the broom and spray can (since the resort was full, Joanne had to sleep in the hut or out on the deck in the hammock (that alternative option was definitely out of the question).

Bedtime. Mosquito netting over the bed firmly tucked under the mattress edges, flashlight close, bathroom light on, and Joanne fully dressed and sitting up with her iPad relaying the horrible event to Paden (his reply, “the lizards will get him”). Great, another creature to worry about! However, I was able to convince Joanne that spiders do not like being around humans – I didn’t quite convince myself, but we finally settled in.

“HOLY F**K! DID YOU SEE THE SIZE OF THAT SPIDER!!!”

Our heads shot up – that was our neighbour. This was about a half hour after we both had laid down to sleep and listening to them talking on their deck. I whispered to Joanne (didn’t’ want them to here me – remember my description of these thin walls?), “I think that’s our spider!”. Joanne was a little skeptical. She was soon convinced when she heard him in a panic say, “F**K, DON’T LET HIM GET INTO THE CABIN – GET SOME WATER TO THROW AT IT! HE WAS BIG!”. We started laughing, partly from the panic in his voice, but mostly from relief knowing that the spider was now his problem. “I DON’T SEE IT” his girlfriend says. “F**K, IT WAS RIGHT THERE”! “WHERE?”. “RIGHT THERE!”. I’M GOING TO CHECK INSIDE TO MAKE SURE IT DIDN’T GO IN”. “DID YOU FIND HIM?”. “NO, BUT COME IN HERE BEFORE HE DOES AND LOCK THE DOOR!”. Sounds of footsteps scurrying across the deck and a door closing and being latched. She asks, “ARE YOU SURE IT’S NOT IN HERE”? “I’M SURE!” “OK, I’M GOING TO HAVE A SHOWER THEN”. (We’re still quietly laughing as we are trying to fall asleep). She finishes her shower and informs him it is his turn. In he goes. About 2 minutes later he yells, “WHICH ONE IS THE SHAMPOO?”. “THE ONE THAT SAYS SHAMPOO”, she yells back! “I CAN’T READ THEM!”. “THE YELLOW ONE”. “OK!”

Finally, he has finished his shower and moves into the bedroom while his girlfriend goes into her bathroom and starts brushing her teeth. “THERE’S A GREAT BIG COCKROACH IN THE BED!” “WHAT?”. “A COCKROACH!”. “WELL, JUST CHASE IT OUT, DON’T HURT IT!”. I HATE COCKROACHES, I HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE WITH THEM IN AUSTRALIA!”. The girlfriend just continues brushing her teeth in silence.

(We are killing ourselves laughing – what an idiot!!)

“I ACCIDENTLY KILLED HIM, I’M SORRY! NOW THERE’S ANOTHER BUG IN THE BED, A STRIPED ONE I’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE”!

To this point, about 30 minutes after this fiasco started, a frustrated and very irate female voice from somewhere in the resort, and probably through her hut wall, bellowed, GET IT TOGETHER BUDDY, SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!!!”

silence

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